


This Easy

by victoriousscarf



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-08
Updated: 2012-10-08
Packaged: 2017-11-15 21:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/531988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victoriousscarf/pseuds/victoriousscarf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of interlinked stories about Angelus' interest in Xander. Sometimes it goes better for him than others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Vampire Let Him

 

Really, he thought, it shouldn't have been *this* easy.

 

~

 

Xander stirred a little in his sleep and woke up when he felt a weight on his feet. Opening his eyes and blinking he drew back when he saw Angel...us.

 

He should have been a lot more panicked. But this wasn't real, because there was no way Angelus could be in his room. So when the demon kissed him, he didn't panic. Instead, he responded, and when the demon touched him he whimpered and stroked his hair.

 

Because this could only be another dream.

 

~

 

Waking up in the morning, Xander sighed. Stupid teenage dreams and---

 

He sat up and his eyes slowly began to widen in horror. Because he hurt all over, and parts of him were a little sticky and that area shouldn't hurt at all and...

 

On the dresser right across the room sat a neat bundle of money that hadn't been there when he went to sleep.

 

It hadn't been a dream and oh shi---

 

He barely made it to the bathroom and was violently ill. Then he dressed and practiced a few steps around the room and prepared to face the day, hiding one more thing from his friends.

 

And dealing with the mind numbing sheer terror and panic because Angelus could get into his room his *house.*

 

~

 

A few nights before, Angelus had killed a pizza boy. He'd been waiting for the Harris's to order Pizza, an event that happened at least several times a week. The shirt wouldn't fit him, but he figured just the hat would do.

 

Knocking on the door, he smiled at Mrs. Harris.

 

"Oh, the pizza! Come in, it's cold and I have to find where I left the money..."

 

Grinning now, he accepted the money and leaving the house, threw the hat in the bushes. So easy! he thought, going to eat someone. His instincts had screamed at him to eat the woman, but that would have spoiled his surprise.

 

Glancing down at the money in his hands, he wondered what to do with it.  
   
  
~

   
 

 

The flowers were bad.

 

Being that close again after the vampire had snuck into his damn room and... ravished him, made his courage shrink up and die a painful death. But he wasn't standing up for himself, he was standing up for Buffy, so he swallowed any pride he had and faced Angelus.

 

Who'd laughed at him, and mocked him, and shoved the flowers into his chest and oh that hurt.

 

Of course, now, at this moment, he shouldn't be walking home alone.

 

"Why didn't you kill me, my family?" he asked as he felt the vampire wrap his arms around him.

 

"This is so. Much. More. Fun."

 

Xander closed his eyes and considered trying to fight. Or run. Or do anything. It would, of course, been utterly hopeless, but maybe he could resurrect some of his dead courage and pride.

 

But there'd always been that something, and Angelus wasn't killing him, or hurting him, just humiliating him. And hurting and killing other people.

 

People he didn't care about. People he did care about.

 

And there was just no way to deal with this, or not feel guilty and shamed and somewhat dirty, and the bastard had left money on his table...

 

Angelus's whore. No one had said it, but he could hear the title echoing in his head.

 

Then Willow had a plan, and there was the soul coming back and facing Angel again after this...

 

He really could be very selfish. And he couldn't deal with his secret and facing the souled version of his... lover?

 

He couldn't let Angelus destroy the world or his friends either.

 

It would be really helpful, right about then, if he didn't, hadn't always, felt that deep attraction to Angel and then Angelus. That tore a little at his gut when he saw him.

 

That let him let the demon kiss him without protesting, without even fighting.  
   
  
~  
  
 

 

"We need to talk."

 

"Oh no, talking is not something we two need to be doing. Ever," Xander tried to walk past Angel. Why the hell he had to corner him in the bathroom...

 

"We do," Angel caught his arm and pulled him around to face the vampire.

 

"Can we not?" Xander pleaded then.

 

Angel released him and didn't move. Sighing, Xander crossed his arms and waited for the vampire to say what he felt needed to be said.

 

"You didn't fight him," Angel said finally.

 

"Right," Xander snorted. "Because that would have been so damn smart. Lets fight the stronger guy who would then proceed to kill me."

 

Angel stepped closer and Xander stepped back. Angel frowned and his hands fisted and relaxed, as he tried to figure out what to do with them. "That wasn't it. You seemed to---"

 

"If you say 'want it' I will stake you right now," Xander snapped.

 

Again, Angel paused. "Xander, do you understand how Angelus and I work?"

 

"Not really. I'm pretty okay with that, considering."

 

"I love Buffy."

 

"Oooookay."

 

"Angelus doesn't."

 

"Good for him. He seemed pretty damn intent on her, while he was around."

 

Angel ground his teeth in frustration, and knew he shouldn't be this mad at the boy but with a part of him screaming and tearing to get out because they were so close...

 

He shouldn't be doing this and be so close but every night and day, whenever he tried to rest that part of him yowled. So no, he shouldn't be moving forward faster than Xander could back off and kissing him.

 

Because Angelus wasn't him, but he had Angelus in his head and that was that.

 

Xander whimpered and grabbed Angel, pulling him that much deeper into the kiss before realizing something and shoving him away. "What the hell you sonofa---"

 

"Angleus claimed you as his mate," Angel said, going for cool and calm and failing. "And in my mind he clamors for you. But I love Buffy and, you really got into that kiss..."

 

Xander withdrew and looked like he was about to hiss. "Whatever."

 

"It matters," Angel insisted.

 

"Why?" Xander threw his arms wide. "Whatever happens, or whatever I feel, it so doesn't matter. Because whatever I feel for you? You love Buffy. I get that. And even if you loved me instead, I couldn't be with you. Because then you'd manage to be happy, and that would be bad. Maybe not at first, but if we stayed together, bam, happy and then bad. Major bad. Epic bad. Because then Angelus would be back, and while I know he wants, at least in some ways to be with me, and that he would be with me, that's not worth it either. Because he'd kill and hurt, and maybe hurt me and maybe kill my friends. And then he'd try to end the world. So my poor, broken and bleeding heart? Will remain that way. Because as long as I'm in love with *either* of you, it won't work. So it's not worth my momentary happiness to hurt others. Have we talked enough yet?"

 

When Xander shoved his way past Angel, the vampire let him.

 


	2. A Stupid Thing to Do

It was  _such_  a stupid thing to do.

For a moment Angel wondered if he hadn’t been hit in the head. At least if he had it would have been an excuse for what he did.

Xander at least had been hit in the head during the heat of battle, and when he’d fallen, he’d fallen right into Angel, who, of course being the idiot he was, had caught him. This meant that a very dazed and rumpled Xander had been in his arms, blearily blinking up at him, mouth open.

Shit, was all Angel had been able to think before he’d kissed him, Angelus crooning in his head. If it had just been him in his head at all times, it was entirely possible he’d have been able to resist the temptation, because he loved  _Buffy_  and it was a wonderful and somewhat pure love.

But at least half of him wanted this boy and he wanted him  _now_  so he figured he could just put down the fact he kissed him to temporary insanity—lust—and get away with it.

He just wished Xander hadn’t responded so well or quickly before seeming to realize who, where, and when it was. Then he jerked back as if he’d been burned by the kiss and glared at the vampire until Buffy bounced over, the threat defeated and clung onto Angel’s arm.

Xander had turned away and walked over to Cordy, helping her stand and forcing some semblance of a smile on his face, that should  _have fooled no one_  but seemed to do the trick remarkably well.

Shit, Angel thought again, turning his head to Buffy and blocking out the scream of rage, want, and possession in his head.  Because it wasn’t really him that wanted Xander, and he shouldn’t allow himself to hurt the boy this way, he shouldn’t.

No matter what that darkness that was only held at bay by a flimsy spell said.


	3. As Usual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buffy Season 4 episode Pangs

“Are you evil again?”

“Why does everyone keep saying that? I haven’t been evil in a long time.”

-Pangs

Xander had syphilis. That should have been enough to stop the thrill he felt when he saw Angel loom out of the shadows and think it was Angelus.

He was sick,  _sick_. To want someone to be evil just because he so desperately wanted him to be in love with him again.

But for him to have that, he would be putting Willow, Anya, and  _Buffy_  into danger. Again.

And Anya, poor Anya, what did she do to deserve this? To find a man who in the darkness of the night would sometimes stare out his basement window and almost hope that rustling sound was Angelus moving out there.

He’d never revoked Angelus’s invitation to his house, even though he still didn’t know how it happened.

For half a wild second, he’d thought Angelus had returned, and his heart had nearly beat itself out of his chest.

But no, it was just Angel, with his spiked hair and little frown between his eyebrows. Here for Buffy.

As usual.

Swallowing the lump of disappointment in his throat, he smiled thinly at Anya and stepped a little closer to her.

  


 

 


	4. So Long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angel Season 1 episode "Eternity"

_“But I am happy… Perfectly happy.”_

 

Angelus stood outside the building, starring at the power cords he’d just pulled. He could go now, he could go and reclaim his mate, feel the boy for the first time in so  _long…_

Or he could go back inside and taunt and torture the poor mortals inside, who were probably already quaking in terror as they realized the power controls were on the outside of the building.

_Xander._

He was finally free, free to wreck havoc, free to return to his mate.

And he would, in just a few minutes. After all, it wouldn’t take him any time at all to do away with the whiny and stupid humans inside.


	5. Things Were Different

Things were quite a bit different now, Angel thought.

Wolfram and Hart had been stopped, at least temporarily, and Sunnydale was long gone. While the last time he had been there, he’d only seen Buffy briefly—just long enough for her to rekindle the hope they may be together in the end—he hadn’t managed to get a look at Xander.

But he knew what had happened to him.

Sometimes he’d wonder how the Slayers were doing over in Scotland. (He liked Scotland. Always had. Perhaps he could go there again… But no.)

He kept trying to tell himself he loved Buffy. But even if he could have run to her when he became human, he realized he wouldn’t have. He still loved Buffy, like a shining beacon and like a glimmering hope, but things were different. He’d also faced Darla again, and had loved Cordy in such a different and more real way than he’d ever loved Buffy.

Angelus was even more quiet now. Not gone, and not out, but quieter.

He just wasn’t sure he could ever be together with Buffy like they had once dreamed about.

It was amazing to him just how okay with that he was.

But he wasn’t sure what he felt about Xander. He wasn’t even sure he could face him again, after everything that had happened to both of them, separately and together. Neither he nor Xander were the same people anymore. There was no guarantee Xander still gave a crap about him, let alone still loved him. He wasn’t sure he was willing to take that risk even if Xander still did feel for him.

He wasn’t sure he could do something like that to Buffy.

But…

He wanted to give it a try. He really did. But he wasn’t quite to the place where he could yet. But maybe soon. Maybe sooner than he thought it would be.


End file.
